To: Anyone who is confused by love.

I am writing this because I am concerned. I wrote a sermon on love the other day and through a conversation I discovered I needed to put this information in the form of a letter written to you. It is written to you specifically because the person  you have received this from cares enough about you to take the time to read this and then send it to you. Maybe they went so far as to specifically look for something like this for you. So understand that while this is an open letter, it is specifically written for you.

I suppose you are wondering what I mean by being confused by love. Well, there are many things about love that confuse people. Why can you fall in love with someone who doesn’t even know that you exist?  How is it that people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, like a family member or spouse, seems more to hate you? And lastly, how come someone who you barely know, just gotten to know, or has no reason to show you any friendship or affection bothers to give you a letter like this?

First things first.  We need to come to an understanding of what love is. Our society or culture thinks of love as emotion. It is thought of as the emotional glue that holds couples and families together. We call it things like young love or puppy love. We like to think love can grow and become stronger. We even give it a physical property when talking about 2 people in a relationship together.  Isn’t it funny though that when we talk about love growing stronger we never talk about it growing weaker?  Except in the case of teens that fall in love with someone who doesn’t return that love, we say “it was only puppy love, they’ll be ok”.  Two people who are married and their relationship goes kaput it is said that they fell out of love. It is remarked to us, as if it was sudden, immediate, and complete.

I enjoy studying and looking at the things in the Bible that people call paradoxes. Just in case you don’t know, a paradox is when 2 things are true that are opposites or appear to be unable to be both true at the same time. An example would be “That TV is on and that TV is off.” From first glance this is a paradox a TV cannot be both on and off at the same time. But if we visualize someone in a room with 2 TV’s then he could point at one stating it is on then point at the other and say it is off.  I believe we serve an awesome and organized God that wants us to understand and Love Him. So when someone claims a paradox in the Bible, it makes me wonder not how God makes two opposites the same but what we are misunderstanding. So what I am writing you to explain is love from God’s perspective and its practical application of it in our lives.

So why do I talk of Love as a paradox? Love is a word that gets a lot of attention. Society today loves the word love. Our speech uses it all the time from I love my wife to loving some chocolate cake even changing its commonly used noun form over into making love. But when the Bible talks about love what does it mean? The word love in its different forms like loveth, loves, and loved are mentioned 421 times in the King James Bible. God isn’t fooling around with love. We need to understand what He means by love in order to understand what it is He wants for our lives. If we read God’s Word and define the words in the Bible by what we think are the definitions of those words rather than what God means by them, we will skew the meaning of the verse or chapter causing confusion with ourselves and  starting arguments with others who are doing the same thing.

Let’s start off by looking at Mark 12:30-31 in order get our first clue as to the meaning of love.

“And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” NKJV

I am going to be looking at the original Greek quite a bit to get a little more from the words to aid in understanding. You see, the Bible was originally written in three languages. Hebrew for the Old Testament and Greek and Aramaic for the New Testament depending on where that letter was being sent and what was the most common language for them.

Both the words translated love in this verse are translated from the word Agape which is commonly called God’s love, the kind of love God loves us with. Let’s have a little experiment here since these verses are telling us that we are to love God and our neighbors. With the idea that God never tells us to do something we cannot accomplish (at least when we are in His power) and that love and hate are fairly easy to accept as opposites, I want you to hate me on three. Ready: one, two, three… alright hate me. Oh come on, you can do better than that! Hate, come on, hate. Ok? Probably the best you’ve gotten is frustrated or annoyed, which seems to be a reaction I normally bring out in people.

It is impossible to make ourselves take on an emotion. Our culture tells us that love is an emotion and that hate is the opposite emotion so if you can be told to love somebody and be expected to do it, shouldn’t you also be able to be told to hate someone and be expected to? Why would God give us an impossible task? Love must not be an emotion, not a true emotion, not the real feeling inside of us.

Marriages today are made and broken on the idea of what we call love. I would like to redefine that so called love to affection, infatuation, caring, or something else. One reason I heard for someone getting divorced was I just don’t love him anymore. Then I have also heard when confronted by the sin of divorce “Do you think God would want me stuck in a marriage with no love?” My response was “Well, yes, but if your marriage has no love in it, it is your own fault.” You will understand what I meant when I said that to him by the end of this letter.

So if love is not emotion what is it? In Ephesians 5:25 we can get our first clue.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,”

We see here that Christ loved the church.  Church is another word that is misunderstood by the majority of people today. The word church to most people means a building or a place where people gather to worship. When we see the word church in the Bible it never means a place or a building. In the Bible, a gathering place or building is usual mentioned as a temple, tabernacle, or even gathering place. Church, on the other hand, always refers to believers in Christ Jesus. In the beginning of the book of Revelation, there are seven letters written to the seven churches located in Asia. Now I don’t know about you but I have never, ever, seen someone write a letter to a building and I doubt God is going to waste time either or else christians need to start converting stones to Christ because they can think and read.

So if we know that the word church is referring to believers we know what Christ loves. I want to look at another word in this verse, the word and. The word “and”  is translated from the word kai.  These small words are complicated in translation. The original word gives the idea of an accumulation. When we say the word and we think of things like apples and oranges. They are 2 separate things being placed together. Kai is also translated as the word “so” .  While not translated to the word “so” as often as the word “and,” let’s read the verse with the word “so” instead of the word “and”.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church so gave Himself for her,”

You can put “and” back into the verse. I wanted you to see that love and gave were the same as red delicious and granny smith apples or navel and mandarin oranges. We are not talking 2 separate things but showing one thing in 2 ways in this verse.  That doesn’t explain it as well as I want to. Christ’s love and gave is like water is wet and quenches thirst. They aren’t different but both help in the defining of each other. We are talking about the same thing on both sides of the kai not 2 different concepts. Both the words gave and the word love, are explaining Christ’s relationship with us. Christ’s relationship with us is loving and giving.

Are your eyes tired of me breaking down words yet? I know when I was writing the sermon this came from I had to go and take a nap at this point but I have one more thing in this verse to look at. The word I want to look closer at is gave. I assume that most of you know what Christ gave Himself into, but this word translated as gave actually contains what he did in its meaning. I am just going give some of the meanings of the Greek word translated gave to you.

1)to deliver up one to custody, to be judged, condemned, punished, scourged, tormented, & put to death
2) to deliver up treacherously
3) by betrayal to cause one to be taken

So this verse is showing Love and gave as two different views of Christ’s relationship to the church. This word gave can be summed up in the word sacrifice. So love is not a noun, not a thing, but a verb, or an action and that action it describes is sacrifice. Now through all this you either have to trust the word of someone you barely know or do a lot of study on Biblical words after reading this letter.

I would like to make it easier for you though. Let’s look at another verse.  John 15:13

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

It is laid out very basic here, love is sacrifice.  The ultimate sacrifice is laying down your life for someone. Now before you go and get yourself killed, (that is the ultimate sacrifice) we have many other things we can sacrifice for others: time, money, and especially humility, as well as others. The gift of these for others is the true expression of love. How does this understanding change our view of some well known scripture? Let’s look back to Mark 12:30-31. SEE ABOVE

Now we can see how to follow the 2 greatest commandments. Rather than the requirement to well up with emotion, something we cannot be expected to do, we are called to action. We can put others before ourselves.  Let’s look now to Matthew 5:44.

Love is something you can do while despising someone. Jonah, the Old Testament prophet, despised the Ninevites and practiced hatred against them by running from instead of going to them when the Lord commanded. Jonah showed love to them by sacrificing his hatred of them to tell them of their coming destruction. God did some arm twisting to accomplish this. In the end, Jonah still despised them so much that he wanted to die for being the reason for their survival. They turned from their wickedness at his Jonah’s charge to them. Jonah is an example of how we can love our enemies while we still hate them.

But why is there this focus on love as sacrifice in the Bible?  Let’s look at Matthew 6:24

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”

If we look at this verse defining love and transversally hate, in the way we have been looking at them the verse makes more sense than defining love as an emotion. Loving 2 masters is impossible. Let’s look at it this way, for men think of having an emotional attachment to two women or women think of two men. It is possible to have an emotional attachment to two men or women but the first time you go out of your way to do something for one, the other is going to feel slighted. For this example, let’s say Johnny has a worldly defined love for both Suzy and Becky. Johnny goes to dinner with Becky and Suzy stays home Friday night alone. Johnny buys dinner and movie tickets, popcorn, and movie theatre pop. Johnny drops a load of money on Becky that night. At least that would be a load of money to me.

In the process of sacrificing his earnings on Becky, he is taking away or it could be said stealing from Suzy. That is talking only about the financial aspects of it let alone the emotional and time sacrifices made. Those are items taken away from Suzy. It is impossible to sacrifice for two competing forces. If you are married this is true also. When the Bible talks about separating from one’s parents and cleaving to your spouse make sure when there is a sacrifice to a parent that both of you are willing to make that sacrifice otherwise you are stealing from your spouse. Now let’s look at our verse again.

Can you see how it would be impossible to love God and money? Trust me, I understand how you can have an emotional attachment to both, but you have to decide where you are going to spend your time and energy. Unlike with Becky and Suzy,  you can’t lie to God and expect Him to sit at home without you on a Friday night. As far as money is concerned,  if you are giving to God you won’t be earning your money from the normal work environment. If this concerns you, get a Bible and read the rest of Matthew chapter 6.

We are going to look at this sacrificial love from a slightly different angle, just as a warning here,  let’s look at Mark 10:21.

“Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me.””

This is the rich, young ruler you have probably heard tons of stories about. Well anyhow, background: this young man came to Christ and asked what must I do to be saved. Christ asked if he had followed the second half of the Ten Commandments by listing them. The man said yes he had since he was a little boy. Then there is this verse, verse 21. What did Jesus sacrifice for this young man? Jesus did not list the first 5 commandments and in so doing give the young man a chance to mistakenly think that he had followed them. Jesus , by asking the young man to go sell and give and then come back, instead forced him to see his sin, on his own, without being condemned by someone else. There is a feeling of self righteousness someone gets in pointing out the sin in someone else. Christ does not need this self righteousness, especially at the cost of someone else. While Jesus has an emotional attachment to his children, He wants what is best for them. This young man needed to know where he had fallen short because without understanding where we do not meet up to God’s standard, we cannot understand why we would need Jesus’ sacrifice.  Without understanding why you need Jesus’ sacrifice, you cannot truly accept what He did for us. Jesus was traveling, spreading His gospel.  Having a rich young man following Him would have given Him ease in travel as He would have the young man’s financial support. Christ had many reasons to just accept the young man into following Him, but instead He sacrificed His own needs and wants in order to do what was best for the young man. Sometimes sacrificing for someone else means not giving them what they want and this hurts and is a sacrifice in a different yet very real way.

We are going to look at a large portion of scripture now. Luke 6:27-36

“”But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, also to them likewise.

But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.”

Why is it mentioned about the sinner loving those who love him? Isn’t it easy to love, do good, and lend to those who are going to pay you back with the same? What sacrifice of time is there if you expect to get a sacrifice of time back from that person? The time you spend helping someone to roof their house you get back when they help you paint yours. What is so amazing about lending to someone who you know is capable of and willing to pay you back, especially with interest? The amazing thing is being willing to give those things with no expectation of return. The primary thing we are called to as believers is to share the gospel of Christ. What sharing are we doing when we are the same as or worse than non believers.

One more concept I want to look at. John 14:24

“He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.”

This verse gives us what I like to think of as a math example if “-A” plus “-B” equals “-C” then “A” plus “B” must equal “C”. What I am getting at is no love plus not following God’s commandments means no heaven. Then the opposite is true. Love plus following God’s commandments equal’s salvation. Now if salvation is by faith alone then why is there this focus on following God’s commandments?

Again reading love as sacrifice, we must understand that in order to follow God’s commandments, we have to be sacrificing, our personal wants and thought needs. We must love God. Also if the greatest sin, the one that gets us into hell, is to not believe in Christ Jesus, then the one greatest act of love or sacrifice, one most difficult to overcome is the belief in Jesus Christ as Lord. John 13:34

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

Here Christ tells the disciples, and through them us, what He wants of us. Looking at this, what is the extent of Christ’s sacrifice for us? So that we understand the extent that we should sacrifice for one another, let’s look at Romans 5:8  “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

What did this sacrifice by Jesus entail? Just think about this: He gave up being God. He was there when it was all created. He spoke and it existed. He knew what would happen, when it would happen, and why it would happen.  He gave that up. He went from most powerful to weakest. He went from outside of time to bound into time. He went from God to pre- born infancy. This is the most humbling act ever. He was born. He had to learn. Some might argue with the idea that Jesus had to learn. Remember ,when he became human He gave up a lot, one of those was His all knowing,  So he had to learn.  If you want to check sometime, look up Luke 2:52.

He met every temptation that we have had to deal with. He was tempted directly by Satan. He never sinned. He stayed obedient to God the Father’s plan for Him. He was beaten, His beard was ripped out, He was scourged, His face got so that it was not recognizable as human. He was placed on a cross to be sacrificed while refusing the offering of sedatives to reduce some of the pain of His anguish. He fulfilled every prophecy and every common practice. Even in the height of the pain of dying, He found someone to care for His mother after His death.  This is  something He was supposed to do at that time in history so that no one could claim a sin against Him. He died. On the third day He came back. Not even allowing death to defeat Him in His sacrifice for us. Are you ready to go and do this yourself?

You may be asking why? Why would anyone one, any being, why would God be willing to do this for you? You see He wants your affection. The emotion we call love. He has that affection for us and anyone who has had an emotional love for someone and had it not returned understands how much that hurts. God gave us a way to understand His love and return it to Him. Please understand, we have this gulf between us and Him. This gulf is our sin. We needed a way to move this sin, which is our self love, to a love of God.

This is the way it works; if you repeatedly sacrifice of yourself for someone else you develop an affection for them… even for your worst enemy. If he never reciprocates, you will still develop an emotional bond to Him. Emotions will eventual follow behavior. If you hate someone (whether a political official, family member, or maybe your boss or the neighbor) that causes problems. Even the guy that cuts you off in traffic, pray for them. This is a small time sacrifice. The thing is, if you do this you become emotional connected to them. The more you do, the more emotionally attached you become. Sooner or later as you continue to sacrifice for someone, you will fall into emotional societal love with someone.

By logic it is hard for me to start to sacrifice myself for God, to Love Him, to gain an emotional attachment to Him. But because of His tremendous sacrifice for us, to bridge the gulf between us and Him, He has placed a way to jump start our love for Him. You see when someone else sacrifices for you, you can have three different responses to it. First is the reaction that you deserved their sacrifice. With other people you will come across as ungrateful or arrogant. God’s sacrifice playing the deserving role is opposite to the truth, and your arrogance and ungratefulness will get you nowhere because Christ’s sacrifice is undeserved. You will never be able to accept it because you don’t truly understand it.

Second is to feel indebted to the one who sacrificed to you or unworthy of their action. This leaves you in a position where you try to pay for the other person’s sacrifice. With God’s sacrifice of death,  you don’t have enough to repay the debt and your attempts will fall short. This attempt at payment will prevent you from accepting Christ’s sacrifice.

Third is to humbly accept and appreciate the sacrifice. With people, you will develop a relationship with that person. You will do things for them but it won’t be a competition to equal what they have done for you.  It will be the kind of relationship that two people who truly like and appreciate each other have. This is the jump start of love that God’s given us in His sacrifice. He wants that relationship, not slaves.

Have you come to an appreciation of Christ’s sacrifice to you? Do you want the kind of affection born of His love? Do you want a relationship that once begun will not be broken by the other person? If so, please come and talk to the person that gave you this letter. They love you and want you to be with them in eternity.

Just another man.